External Hard Drive

Mary drinking wine in plastic cup

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Today I am grateful for external hard drives.  I am having horrible computer problems.  I suspect I have saved too large of files for too long and now I can’t even move them so I don’t know what is going on.

 

I am not going to work on my memoir until this is resolved and will only be posting a few times on the blog because it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.  Bear with me.  I should be back on track after it comes next week, I hope.

 

Don’t even know if I can retrieve a picture.  Ruby had a terrible time doing it yesterday.

Hold a good thought that I’ll be able to figure this stupid thing out.  I have some help in the bull-pen so that’s good!  Play nice.

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Tuesday, not Monday

IMG_2400

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Today I am grateful it’s Tuesday, not Monday.  The human grand-things that are supposed to taking care of me were out of control yesterday.  Such a commotion!

 

The grand-guy thingy spent hours reading on his electronic contraption and totally ignored me all day long.  He had a cord stretched across the room that was plugged into a hot pad thing but do you think he’d let me sit on it?  Nope.  Not even once.  Just plopped hizownass on it and didn’t even share.  Whenever he moved to go use his litter dish he moaned and griped about his sore back.  Who cares?  Brush the cat!

 

First thing in the morning, while the grand-female thingy was having her precious tea, I thought I’d explore a new napping spot.  They had piled a bunch of cushions on a chair in their sunroom and I like all of those windows, so I figured I’d rest there awhile.  I lowered my haunches for a good jump, like any acrobat would and leaped to the top of those cushions.  Some idiot hadn’t put them up there correctly and some other idiot had put a book on them so when the cushions slipped, the book fell towards me and scared the fur off my back!  As everything is tumbling to the floor, including me, the woman says, “Stupid cat!”   To ME!  Really?  I just did the all-time-best-triple-axel-two-and-a-half-gaynor Olympic dismount and nailed the landing and you’re calling me a stupid cat?  Check your facts!

 

Then she was gone and I was left with the moaner and when she did come home she was cussing and complaining about some checkbook thing and on the phone yelling about all technology going haywire at the same time because she couldn’t get on-line and her cell phone went “dark” and how all people at Verizon are idiots.  All idiots including her, I figure.  The tension around here was very disturbing.  I think someone should press charges for unnecessary noise abuse on the sensitive ears of the cat.  Go.  Now.  Let me know what you find out.

 

I just left them both alone last night.  Totally ignored them.  It’s what they deserved for upsetting my naps.  Then this morning, at 6:30, when I go in to remind them that I need food in my dish by walking all over them in that big bed that they don’t share, I get shoved down.  It’s insulting.  What is an organic alarm clock supposed to do?  Starve?

I sure hope that isn’t an indication that Tuesday will be questionable, too.  Stay by the phone.  I might need you to call the Cat Hotel to come pick me up.

 

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No Real Blog Post

Can’t even describe what a whacky Monday this was. I spent an hour on the phone with the bank trying to get my checkbook to balance because I made a horrible mistake, but that was the topper at the end of an already challenging day. No blog today. Even the cat just isn’t in the mood. Off line for the rest of the night, too. Time to pull back and settle down! Play nice.

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House to Myself – Ruby

Ruby looking out windwo

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Today I am grateful for a house to myself.  If they are not going to pet me every minute I want to be petted and leave me the hell alone when I don’t, I wish these grand-humans would just leave the house.  But no!  Here they are.

 

The grandma one keeps trying to get me to pose for pictures.  Hahahaha!  I warned her that I’m not a stupid, drooling dog who will do anything to have a piece of food thrown at his head.  Ruby doesn’t pose.  Get over it.  You’re lucky I’m here.

 

The grandpa guy dumped my food in my dish without any ceremony, or petting at all, even though I was affectionately trying to trip him by rubbing through his legs while he was in the process.  He had the nerve to tell me to get out of the way.  As if!  Good luck with that.

 

Then the snitch announces to the grandma person that apparently he is having his breakfast with me, just because I’m walking in front of his face across the newspaper, twitching my tail.  Get a clue, mister.  It’s petting time!

 

So he touches my back, but I don’t want my back touched.  I want my head scratched.  How can he not know that?  Is he stupid, or what?  Just go then, if you don’t know how to pet a cat.  But leave the paper because I like sitting on it.  I’m not sure why.

 

I heard them say they were hanging around all day today, too, because it’s too hot to go anywhere.  Okay, I guess, but don’t bug me.  I’m planning on sitting in the window.  There are flying things out there that need my attention.  And keep your hands to yourself until you are trained!  Hrmpfph!

 

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Dog is Gone! Cat is here!

a cat drawing

Friday, July 21, 2017

Today I am grateful the dog is gone.  Bet you think a human wrote that, right? Fugetaboutit.  This is the grand-cat, Ruby.  If you are sitting back with your coffee thinking you’re going to hear from me as often as you heard from that slobbering yellow beast, you better put something stronger than cream in that coffee.

 

First my family decides to get a baby, then they tell me they can’t take me to the shore house like they have for years and years because of that baby.  They abandon me at the grand parent’s house.  Oh, I’ve been here before and it wasn’t so bad.  They have a lot of stuff to knock over and some great high spots for me to climb on.

 

So when I’m shoved in that black box and put in the evil car, I figure it won’t be so bad.  When we get there someone sets me on the floor in the box and this enormous, drooling, loud, yellow beast pokes his big drippy nose on my box.  Really?  Get some manners, pal!  We haven’t even been introduced!  There was a discussion about whether to let me out or keep me in there and then the zipper was opened.

 

I creep out because. . .well. . . I’m a cat, therefore naturally cautious.  Cats come by our nine-lives honestly because we are smart and careful about who we associate with.  That yellow thing takes one look at me and falls in love immediately.  He wants me.  I do not want him!  I slither under a tray table and hide behind the couch where he is too stupid to look and too big to squeeze in.

 

He tries anyway, the dumbbell, knocking over a table with popcorn and soda and some left over cheese and all Billy-hell breaks loose.  Baby is crying, dog is barking, grandparents are scrambling for rags and vacuums.  I’m minding my own business behind the couch.  I do not welcome this chaos and I refuse to be part of it.

 

This is not what I expected.  I walked through the room once so they know I’m here, but that’s all they can expect to see of me for a while.  When the grands were gone I peed in that dish. Overnight I ate some of the food.  But if they expect a sighting again, they better vacuum all remains of that dog thing.  And I mean fast!

 

I am only here on MY terms so don’t expect a picture because I have no intention of posing even if I do come out.  Imagine the most beautiful gray cat ever and that’s me.  And if you think I’m going to waste valuable nap-time sharing with you, then get off the damn drugs.  I’m a cat.  Piss off!

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My Family is Back!

a Lenny with family (2)

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Today I am grateful my family is back!  Oh boy did I miss them.  In the same twenty minute space the cat came(it hated me and took off to hide), the baby came (it hated me to, but only cried) and then my family came!  All of them!

 

I crashed into them like I was a truck in demo-derby and they didn’t mind one bit.  I’m not sure if I was singing or crying or growling or all of the above.  I missed them so much.

 

My mom called the old lady later and told her how I tore through the entire yard like a maniac and when my dad went outside I howled until he came back in.  I do NOT want them to go away again anytime soon!  Boy I missed my yard.  And my family!  And the chickens missed me as much as I missed them.

 

So no more from me.  I don’t have time to share my stories because I have a farm to oversee.  Woof-hug!

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Rumors

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Today I am grateful for rumors.  People talk around a dog like they’re stupid or something.  They think we don’t have a clue what they are saying.  Big mistake!  Huge!

 

I’ve been hearing whisperings and aside conversations that someone else is coming to this house tomorrow.  A cat!  Oh boy!  I can’t wait.  I haven’t chased a cat in weeks, maybe months.  And this one is a house cat and doesn’t play outside so she’s probably stupider than most cats.  I am going to have so much fun with this.  I hope she’s here long enough for me to partake of some yummy litter dish nuggets.

 

I also heard that I might be going back to my real house, my yard, my goats, my pigs, my kids and my beloved chickens!  I don’t know what time that is supposed to happen and I confess that although these two old folks have been pretty boring, they do love me and I kinda love them, too.  At least they don’t mind so much if I get in their faces.  Except the old guy keeps yelling at me to watch my nose when I’m running towards him.  He can’t cross his legs or turn fast enough and is always worried I’m going to land one in his privates.  I got him good a bunch of times.  Score for me!

 

I also heard there might be a baby here.  I’m sure I’ll be called into duty to protect her from absolutely everything, including that new cat, even though it lives with her.  They shoulda got a dog.  Dogs are smarter.  Just ask me.

 

Tomorrow should be a blast.  But if that cat thinks she’s getting one of their laps, she better pack her litter dish and her shee-shee tiny-canned food and go home.  I got dibs!  Besides, they owe me for not having any chickens here!

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