Thursday, November 14, 2019
Today I am grateful for hearing and listening. I have been watching the open impeachment hearings, which I have recorded and will continue to record, so that I don’t have to endure every single word.
Since I can’t bear sitting around doing absolutely nothing but watch, even if some of it is riveting, I’m also crocheting dish cloths. I already have six. I crochet fast when I’m irritated and agitated.
Back in the day. . .way back, Himself and I spent a little time in couple’s therapy. Look, you can’t “blend” a family, have a husband who travels for work for long periods and be raising kids, step-kids, cats and dogs without a few times where some outside help is necessary. We have no shame about this. It is what smart people do. See how smart we are?
In therapy I would get pissed because I would say something and when he was asked what I said, it was nowhere near what he heard. Not even close. He would say, “I’m hearing you,” then repeat back words that barely came close to the issue. In all fairness, I did the same to him. What? Weren’t we both in the same room? Weren’t we both “hearing”? Sure we were. But we weren’t listening.
While I was talking, Mr. Himself Businessman was already framing his response or finding a solution to my problem. He was fixing whatever my issue was, not hearing that I didn’t need anything fixed, just acknowledged.
While he was talking, I was distracted by the fact that he always turned into Mr. Himself Businessman during these sessions, therefore bamboozled the therapist into thinking he was the smartest person in the room.
Both of us pretended to be hearing, but what we were doing was forming our own defense, even though we were not under attack.
We weren’t listening to each other. We were assuming we knew what was being said, then twisting it to make it more desirable to our personal case and opinion.
It took a lot of sorting through to get to the crux of our biggest concerns. . .which, as it turns out, were very close to the same, although we each got there through a different approach. We were so busy putting our own spin on what the other was saying that no one was listening. Who knew?
Watching the impeachment hearings, I can’t help wish that all involve, democrats and republicans, would get into “couples” therapy. They sit there listening to testimonies, hearing opinions, hearing facts, but not really listening.
Republicans sit there, scratching notes, forming rebuttals, finding ways to besmirch good, non-partisan, honorable American citizens, who have dedicated their lives to the diplomatic core, refusing to listen to one thing they are saying. They are so dug-in to defending the indefensible that while they pretend to hear, they refuse to listen.
Democrats walk on eggs, trying to not irritate the elephant in the room. They paraphrase what was actually said, causing all manner of confusion. They assume that every word out of every republican’s mouth is a flat out lie, yet there are many, many silent republicans who have not yet rendered any opinion. What about them?
I’m no expert. I have no vested interest in an outcome, except for my own outrage that those in power, with enough money, seem to operate by a different rule book than the rest of us, plus a legitimate fear for the democracy of America. We should all be outraged about that. And afraid. And listen.
And while we are not supposed to muddy the waters with other cases, I’m a private citizen so I’m going to. People are going to jail for a college admission scandal. Many have gone to jail on bribery and corruption charges. Martha Stewart spent time in jail because of insider trading. If I get stopped by a cop and offer him twenty bucks, I’m going to get arrested on bribery, no matter how many times I scream it’s unfair and the cop is not a supporter of chubby white women and therefore biased.
All of those things are wrong and people should be prosecuted and serve time for them. But what is right in what has been happening at the top level of our government? Have we lowered our bar and dropped our standards as a nation so much that we’ve distorted everything and will never see the truth on any issues, ever again? Is everything now acceptable? Is there no more right and wrong? Why? Can we let that stand? Please no.
I suggest that everyone involved, all government officials, turn off the noise. Stop listening to the shouting. Stop fake-listening while writing down or forming your rebuttal. Maybe if the good people, who must still exist on both parties did, we could stop this freak show of name calling and finger pointing. It’s making us look ridiculous to the rest of the world and it’s embarrassing to me. And I’m not only a voter, I pay my taxes!
I’d like to propose that all elected officials, in any political party, be required to attend anti-bullying, diversity and non-partisan-couples therapy. I know that’s not going to happen, so for now I’d settle for ALL of them not only hearing. . .but also listening!