Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Today I am grateful to be a doppelgänger. For Madonna. The singer not the saint. People have been telling me for years that I look exactly like her. I’m sure you see the resemblance, too.
I don’t mean to brag or sound conceited, but that’s what I’ve heard. My whole life. Or hers, because I’m older than her. I’m sure she’d be very flattered to know that I am comparing myself to her just like I’m sure our poor dead Elvis must be so proud to be compared to. . .well. . .
At least Madonna and I are the same shade of pale. One isn’t orange. I’m not orange anyway. I can’t really speak for her because I haven’t seen her today. Maybe she turned orange. I doubt it.
But even if she did, we would still be compared as “likies” because of our stellar figures, our luminous skin and our lovely blond hair. And even our singing because I can BELT, too. Except when I do, people don’t run into the arena, they run out. I don’t have the toothy-gap, but hey, I have everything else. I’m perfect. Just ask me.
Don’t think I’m being conceited because it isn’t me saying these things, it’s what other people have told me from back when I was young. And I was young. Once. And I was full of crap then, too. And now I’m old and I’m still full of crap. But I never lie and that’s the truth. I always tell the truth. As I see it. If you don’t, then you are wrong. The wrongest ever.
And my guts tell me how to see it all the time, because no matter how smart anyone else thinks they are, my guts are a way better measure of what is right or wrong than anything an expert could tell me. I go by my guts every time, which explains a lot. My guts are true. Or is that an intestinal disorder? Is Madonna going to start tweeting from the porcelain throne? Am I twisting two stories together here?
I’m getting confused. I feel like you’re calling me out and you have me scrambling to remember what my truth was when and now I can’t remember which true story I used last time or the time before that.
But I do know one thing for certain. I’m the only true doppelgänger for Madonna. People have always told me that. And I’m not being conceited here because that’s the truth. Today.