Not Abandoned – Suitcases!

Lenny with suitcases

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Today I am grateful I wasn’t abandoned. . .again!  Still Leonard Page here.  Today there were evil suitcases.  Oh boy was I twitchy.  I do not like those things at all!  The people who were staying with the old ones have moved out.  Was it something I did?  I’m gonna miss the extra scratching.

 

So because they are gone, that old lady takes me outside with her while she fusses around on her dying flowers, chopping their heads off and pinching their long legs.  I stayed with her really well, so my mom and dad would be proud of me.

 

It was HOT out there.  So I pant.  So what does she do?  She runs water over my head like I needed baptizing or something.  I have to admit it did feel good.  I thought we were going in the air conditioned house but all she did was get a book and water for us and then we sat out there forever.  Good thing I could plant my belly on the wet patio floor or I’d have succumbed to heat exhaustion for sure.

 

I was napping until a loud truck went past and woke me.  When I picked my head up there was a big yellow dog there, too.  I jumped to my feet and so did he.  I raised my butt and lowered my front ready to pounce.  My back got a ridge of bristles and I barked at him.  He barked right back at me.  For a long time.  The old woman is laughing because she’s too stupid to see the danger, but I’m gonna protect her, so I’m barking like a vicious beast.  She starts hollering at me.  “It’s your reflection in the patio door, Lenny!” she says.  “You’re barking at yourself!”  I’m supposed to know what she’s talking about?  That other dog was as concerned as me!

 

So she leans forward from her chair and I see her next to that other dog, too.  Yikes!  How did she get there?  She’s waving that book, but her voice isn’t talking from the window, it’s coming from the chair where she’s sitting.  I flip my head back to look at her, then back at the window a half a dozen times before I realize that there is no other dog.  Or woman.  Just me and her.

 

I felt a little foolish about the whole thing.  She put me inside where the AC is on, so I wouldn’t freak out again, so that’s good.  I think I was still a little unnerved by the suitcases from the morning.  I hope there are no more suitcases.  I hate suitcases.  Unless they are filled with chickens.

 

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Training

Monday, July 17,2017

Today I am grateful for training.  Yes, family-who-abandoned-me-at-doggie-camp, I have manage to train a few of the humans you left me in charge of.

 

The visiting guy seems to like it when I jump on his head and lick him like a rump roast.  He says he is the Himself-in-law, whatever that means.  At least he is laughing when he’s trying to wrestle me off of him, so I figure I’m doing my job.  He is now my responsibility so I guard him every chance I get.  At least that’s what everyone thinks.  I’m really just waiting for a chance to get back in his face.

 

I heard talk that you didn’t send enough morning meat along and I’m trying not to be pissed about it because the old ones said they would just give me extra chicken legs.  Whew!  Dodged that potential nightmare!

 

I’m glad these people are at least trainable and that I have enough chicken legs to ward off certain death, but I still miss chasing the chickens-on-the-hoof.  Come home soon!

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Brushes

Lenny - ecstacy face

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Today I am grateful for brushes.  I don’t know why the rental dog, me, has to keep you all informed but for once today I am glad to fill you in.

 

Yesterday those people were gone all day again.  Geeze.  I held down the fort but I’m getting pretty sick of doing it all by myself.  That old woman must have felt guilty because she sent the old guy to find this contraption from a cabinet.  A brush.

 

I thought she might want to clobber me with it, so when she called me over to her I wasn’t at all sure I should go.  But I did.  Oh boy!  She started rubbing that bristly thing over my back and head and neck and it was awesome!  Just awesome!  I figured anything that feels that good sure wouldn’t last long.  But it did.  For a long, long time!  She ran that thing across me first with the sharp side and then the soft side until I melted like butter at her feet.  Wow.  Ecstasy!

 

Okay, I know I had a difficult time adjusting to this doggie camp idea, but if she keeps using that brush thingy on me, I think I might just live through this experience.  Even without the chickens.

 

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Getting a Clue

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Today I am grateful they are getting a clue.  Lenny, here.  Well, family, it’s been interesting and more than a little stressful, but I’m happy to tell you that things are improving.  Slightly.

 

Yesterday they only went away for a little while and in the afternoon that old woman even invited me up on the bed.  I was so happy I licked her like she was Hagen Das, but had to stop because she threatened to toss me to the floor again.  She lets me snuggle up to this very cute white teddy bear, then scolds me when I try to chew its face off.  What’s a stuffed face for if not to chew off?  Geeze.  Get a clue, bitch.

 

Now I hear them talking about going to some big garden place today.  I love gardens, but I don’t think they are taking me, so I quickly ran my check list.  Pee – check!  Poop – check!  Breakfast – check!  Petted – check!  Ear scratch – check!

 

I think I’m good for now, but I sure wish they’d leave that door open to the room with the big bed when their gone.  That thing was comfy!

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More Leonard

Computer dog

Friday, July 14, 2017

Today I am grateful for more from Leonard.

 

To my family,

What is up with these people?  No pigs, no goats, no kids and no chickens!  And they never, ever stay home to pet me all day.  I don’t know how much more I can take.

 

Last night when they got home they hollered at me because I was flopping around like a bass on a fishing line.  What did they expect?  Alone for hours?  They’d flop too, although I’ve never seen them flop anywhere but into the couch.  Then they shoved me out the door, but it was pouring out and I got wet.  That was okay, I guess, but I wanted to play in the mud.  “No!” she yelled.  I had to come inside.  At least my drumstick dinner was waiting.  Late.  Very late.  It was almost dark!  A dog could starve here.

 

This morning I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore so when that lady staying with them wanted to come downstairs I barked at her.  A lot.  She had a long red thing on and I don’t care for red.  But I figured she liked it because she just stood there listening, then made the guy staying here come over to pet me so I would shut up.  The lady came down the steps.  She was afraid of me.  As if!!!  Don’t they recognize singing when they hear it?

 

The old woman spends almost all of her time home with her fingers playing on a black box, when they could be petting the dog.  Me!  I showed her!!!  No way will I be ignored.  I think she’s getting the message.  I’ll keep you posted.  Still no chickens.  I miss them.  And you.

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Lame Blogs. . .by Leonard

a lenny standing looking out window

Dear Family,

These people hate me.  All they do is leave me alone.  Or that’s what it seems like.  This morning that old lady threw my food in my dish with only a few ear scratches and then she was out the door to go to a pool.  Doesn’t she know I’d like to swim in a pool, too.  Geeze.

 

Then the old man left leaving me with their two visitors and no one talked to me at all.  I’m telling you, you would not be happy about this.  The good news is that when that old man got home he brought dog cookies. FINALLY!  I’m happy to say he was barely in the door when he was handing out some of those treats, so that’s something.

 

Still, before I knew it they ALL left.  Just left, after hanging some clean laundry over the dining room chairs.  What’s that about?  They went to some stupid movie, whatever that is?  And all I could do was wander around their house from front to back, looking out the windows and watching the squirrels and birds, but I couldn’t get near them to chase.  Isn’t that insane?  What’s the point of squirrels if you can’t chase them?

 

When that old woman comes home she asks me if I guarded the house.  “Of course, I guarded the house.  You people have no clue how many marauders tried to get in here when you were gone!  And what’s up with the squirrels?”  Then she starts grilling me about her pair of gray slacks that were laying on MY couch.  Like, what am I supposed to do if your gone?  At the very least I should be able to deposit some hair on your clean clothes.

 

Then when the old woman was on Facetime with some baby in her family, she kept trying to get me to look into this phone thingy.  I don’t care about phones when there is a person to lick, so I licked her big time all over her neck and that baby just looked at us.  I guess I’m meeting the kid on Friday so that should be a good one.

 

Both of those old ones registered surprise when I jumped up on their bed, like I was too weak to get up there or something.  And I’m telling you that bed is big enough for the three of us, but no, they don’t let ME sleep there.  Good thing I have my couch!

 

I know you think this is a good gig, but you might want to rethink it for next time.  I’m exhausted from standing guard. . .and still no chickens.

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Leonard’s Voice

a lenny looking at me

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Today I am grateful for Leonard’s voice.

 

I have been abandoned! First my mom started packing up my raw food into these little baggies and I wondered why so many?  Then my kids started hopping around all excited.  Uh oh!  Next the suitcases came out.  No!  Not the evil suitcases!!!  There isn’t an animal living in a house who doesn’t know what that means. Yup!  Abandonment!

 

That family you thought loved you is actually planning on leaving you for who knows how long?  I don’t give two shits where they are going or how much fun they might have.  That is not my problem.  They are leaving me and that’s unforgiveable.  I figured I might live through it this time because I still had the goats and chickens and those foul smelling pigs around because my dad was still here.

 

But no!  HIS suitcase comes out a couple of days later, he bags up all of my chicken legs and those pouchie food thingies mom froze and next thing you know I’m in the car being sent to jail!   In the city!  Dad is dumping me off with two old people!  There isn’t one chicken anywhere!  Really?  How do people live without chickens?  And where are their goats and pigs?  This must be what they mean by a ghetto.

 

And their yard is a postage stamp.  I’m not sure I can even find a spot to crap in that small piece-o-sod.  I pissed on one of their bushes first thing. So there!  But a guy needs some space to turn around to have a proper constitutional.

 

When dad came inside with me I thought maybe we were just visiting.  I met these two old folks before and they do like to scratch my ears and back so maybe this would be okay.  Then dad left!  Really?  Who does that?  No mom.  No kids.  No goats.  No chickens.  No pigs.  No yard.  And now no dad?  I’m so mad at them!

 

“Want a cookie?” the old guy asks me before dad is even in the car.  Hm. . .this might work out okay.  But then he ties me up like a prisoner just so I can crap in the two inch yard.  I’m so confused.

 

Then that old woman. . .well she let me climb up on her lap and she rubbed my ears and kissed my face and told me what a good boy I was and she loved all over me.  Okay, maybe, just maybe this won’t be so bad after all.  I still wish there were chickens.

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