Applause

Friday, April 19, 2024

Today I am grateful for applause.  “What is it that we’re living for? Applause, applause!” the old song asks. Who doesn’t love applause?  We all like being recognized and cheered. But at a meeting the other day I was irritated with applause.  Yes, me, the queen of the deserved ovation.

Look, this is a risky piece to write.  I’m aware.  So, I will try to choose my words wisely.  I know first hand how difficult it is to lose weight.  And keeping it off is even harder.  And I think it’s wonderful if people can succeed to this end, so I would never want to minimize their efforts.  Seriously, not ever.  Good for them.

But even when I was going to weight watchers, and it was me who had dropped a few pounds, I was uncomfortable and annoyed when people literally applauded my weight loss.  Or that of anyone else.  Because I saw the people, not just the pounds.  You might have lost one week, but will gain the next two.  It’s a roller coaster ride for most of us.  I’d rather do without the applause and keep the bar neutral than have the huge highs and devastating lows. 

At the meeting, people were asked to tell their story.  Several of them were about losing a bunch of weight.  Each person named the poundage, which I won’t do here.  And there was applause.  And it bothered me again. . .so much so, that I’ve been up since 4:30 a.m. ruminating about why it irks me to this degree.  Am I jealous?  Is it sour grapes on my part?  I don’t think so, because I’m happy when anyone has found success doing anything, including losing weight.  But aren’t we all so much more than the size/shape/look of our bodies?

And no matter how old you are, life can be tough in many more ways than just weight.  I want applause for those who work through other issues besides losing weight, too.  What about the woman with anxiety who wonders if she’ll have the emotional strength to get out of bed today?  She deserves applause when she does.  Or even if she doesn’t.

Or the man whose wife died and now he has to figure out how to navigate a life that feels vacant and empty most days.  He should get applause for putting one foot in front of the other, and for no other reason than that simple act.

The same goes for the lady whose back aches, her shoulders are crap and her arthritis is so bad that the doctor is harping at her to exercise. For her, probably the most difficult aerobic activity is getting out of the house, into the car, and dragging her achy ass to the pool.  I applaud her efforts.  Just showing up is huge!  Never mind if she moves slowly and doesn’t lose weight.

We were asked to think about our story.  So, I did.  Almost all night.  Alas. And never once did I shame myself because I don’t seem to be able to keep weight off.  I simply can’t live in that space anymore.  It already took up too much time in my mind. What about our whole story?  To me our stories don’t begin with weight/exercise, or end with weight/exercise.  That is only a part of our lives.  If we’ve been lucky enough to live fully.

Poor Himself had to listen to me ramble when I got home from the frustrating meeting.  And in my stream of consciousness diatribe, I detailed some of the amazing things I’ve done, survived, endured, and enjoyed in my life.  He was there for most of them.

“I’ve led a full life,” I said.  “I’ve ridden a moped to work as a hairdresser, in the winter, in a dress uniform, literally through snow, in Wisconsin!  I’ve followed the yellow footprints at the welfare office so my kids could get free lunches, cheese and milk. I get what it feels like to need financial help!  I’ve acted, sung on stage, written plays and won awards for writing.  I’ve worked a bazillion jobs and aced every one of them, including delivering phone books and working in a Halloween store.  I made a success of living in a developing nation and endured gut wrenching heat, humidity and loneliness when we were in Jakarta, Indonesia for three years.  I’ve been a daughter, sister, friend, wife (twice) mom, step-mom, grandma and real person. I learned to call myself a writer and had the guts to put my life out there publicly, under a microscope, when I began writing this blog!  I’m honest, kind, empathetic, and devoted to helping people feel good about themselves.”

Himself nodded, waiting for me to get to the point, as he so patiently does. 

“You know there is a lot more!  But the one thing I have not accomplished is that I have not lost weight and kept it off,” I continued.  “So, no applause for me.  There is no tangible measurement for me or the people who struggle to just get through a day.”

Now he was getting it. “Was my life less-well-spent, or insignificant, because of that ONE thing? Is the success of my life primarily based on losing weight? Because if so, I call bullshit!”

There is a movement afoot that people should not comment on the size, looks, whatever of children because they develop eating disorders and all manner of anxiety.  I think that should hold true for adults as well.  All people. It doesn’t mean you can’t compliment someone, just don’t compliment them with weight loss as your go-to.  If you wouldn’t say, “You gained a lot of weight!  What in the hell happened?”  Don’t say, “You lost a lot of weight.  How much did you lose and how in the hell did you do that?”

I tell kids they look happy or healthy or strong.  I don’t tell adults their “outfit” looks nice, because it’s not about the outfit, it’s about them. As people.  Instead, I tell them THEY look great in that color or style.  Whether losing weight or gaining weight, they can still look great, because they still ARE great.

Do we really need to beat the shit out of ourselves for that one issue?  Weight?  Yes, it struck a nerve!!!  Because I . . .we . . . are so much more. But do we find ourselves ignoring every other wonderful thing that makes us who we are?  Putting our other accomplishments on the back-burner?  Making them insignificant because of our weight issue?  It’s time to put our self-flagellating sticks away and be kinder.  To ourselves.

Let’s stop measuring our lives by the number on the scale.  Let’s start looking deeper into what real success is.  Sometimes it’s as simple as getting out of bed in the morning.  Congratulations!  Go us! 

When someone asks you to share your story, what will you say?  Will you look inside and celebrate what’s there?  Or will you clam up, and feel guilty, or ashamed, because you haven’t lost the weight you wanted to?  Please don’t. 

Because there is way more to each and every one of us than can be measured on a bloody scale.  And that is worthy of applause!  BING!  Heartprint.