Chloraseptic

Thursday, June 19, 2014
Today I am grateful for Chloraseptic. I came down with a sudden, very swollen, very sore throat and it has thrown me for a loop.

Sunday I went to the local pool with Anja late in the day. We were only in the cold water for 20 minutes before they closed and when I got home I felt my glands swelling like those little toy sponges that are an inch big until you add water, then, Bah Boom! Huge. I could barely swallow by bedtime and I felt like I had tooth-picks jabbing in my ears. No fever.

Since I teach swimming to 2 to 6 year olds, I figure one of the little darlings shared more than their family secrets with me. If I can get them to put their faces in at all, when they come up they spit. Right in my face. “You don’t need to spit when you come up,” I say gently. They do it again, over and over. “Okay, if you feel you MUST spit, then at least turn your head so you’re not spitting right in my face. It’s just rude.” It is almost enough to make me lose my sunny disposition. Grrrr.

So I’ve got it good. I know strep is also running rampant through my area so I didn’t wait before going to the doctor. Okay, get this. I can’t swallow. It hurts a lot to even swallow my own spit. I know, charming, right? My ears hurt inside my head. I feel goofy. (Let it go. It’s just too easy.) It’s hard to describe to this new doctor whom I’ve never met that I do not go to the doctor with a “little” sore throat. She looked at me like I was a whining baby alarmist. I miss my old doctor who just left to teach. So new doc checks my ears. Clear. My throat. Clear, no redness. My glands, yes maybe a little swollen. Is that like a little pregnant? No ear infection, no strep, no kidding? In her cryptic Indian accent she snaps, “O-Kay so! You have virus. You have cold. You take a flashlight and look and you see nothing. No pus, no bumps, no spots, no strep.” No culture, just to be sure? Really?

“But it hurts really badly and I don’t have nasal congested and my nose isn’t running.”
“You take flashlight. . .” she repeats.
“I tried that and I can’t see, what with needing glasses and getting close enough to a mirror and holding the flashlight at the same time and gagging like a super model who accidently swallowed a raisin she was planning chewing, then spitting out.” I’m not quite in combat mode, but then I’m a little off my game. “I don’t have cold symptoms.”

“You will,” she said. “You wait for it, then take cold medicine from pharmacy. Now you drink hot water.” Swell. I always like to have something to look forward to.

Since I still feel like the victim in a slasher movie, I went to the pharmacy and got some Chloraseptic. I sprayed that crap into the back of my throat as soon as I got in the car. Now, along with the sore throat, weird ears, a dizzy feeling, a new cough and an increasingly bad attitude, I also feel like barfing. Good. Chloraseptic has taken my mind off of the strangling sore throat and I’m what. . .grateful? Oops, I mean, grateful. Without the question mark, don’t I? Gag! I’m calling again. If this is “just” a virus, then I’m “just” a size 6!