Monday, October 01, 2018
Today I am grateful for my niece cat, Salina. What a pip. This cat won’t look at me when my sister is around. If she walks into a room and I’m in it she twitches her squirrel-like tail in total disgust and floats off like a black cloud, sometimes even if my sister is with me.
And if I’m insulted by being dissed by her, you should see how she’s treated Himself! He reached for her one day. . .just put his hand out slowly towards her and she sucked her entire body in so tightly she looked like a dust bunny under the bed. Wouldn’t come near him on a bet. Oh brother. Spare me from temperamental animals!
But my sister and her husband left. “So now what?” I said to her, as I was holding her precious water dish so Her Majesty could take little laps out of it. I swear she raised a long haired eyebrow at me. But she drank and has continued to drink almost every time I want her to.
Then we went away for the weekend and my human niece came to tend to her every need. I’m sure she did just fine, but you’d never know it by the way Princess assaulted us when we got back. “Ewmaw,” she mewed, “ewmaw,” with what might have been her trying to make a loud noise. She seems incapable of too much volume, but boy was she putting in the effort to try.
“What’s wrong with you, Queenie?” I asked. “Did you miss us? Are we almost better than nothing?”
“Ewmaw!” Yes, there was an exclamation point! This translates into . . . How dare you leave such a beauty as I alone for one solitary minute! I expect my minions, who are now supposed to be you two, to be available whenever I squeak out a sound. You are expected by royal decree to anticipate what I want, long before I even know I want it. You are clearly not up to the task and I shall have to send you to the dungeons if you do not improve upon your care, you rapscallions.
Then she rushed in after me as I ran to the bathroom. Her litter dish is just through the door in the laundry room. It seems her idea of “bonding” or maybe forgiveness, but possibly revenge, is that we go potty together. At the same time. How special. She did not expect me to dig a hole and I did not expect her to ask for a piece of toilet paper.
In the morning she was all about sharing the tea of Himself and sitting on his newspaper so he would know she was number one, even though with me she only wants to make number two. Maybe this will work. As long as we remember our place. Low. Very low! Right, Your Majesty Salina of Violet Lane? Whisper – “Ewmaw.”