Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Today I am grateful for colorful language. And I’m not talking about the primary colors, I’m talking about the language that needs a six second delay. This is a necessary blog because I spent 3 hours on the phone with seven different people at Verizon Fios, Verizon Wireless and Verizon On-Line Chat and if I hope to sleep tonight, I have to write it out. Lucky you.
Chat? What a crock! I have listened to enough canned music to qualify me for the trapped-in-an-elevator Olympics.
I have heard enough pitches, excuses and lies to constrict my blood vessels making me feel as though I was for sure having a stroke, but couldn’t hang up, had to risk it, because I’d have to start all over again.
Thankfully I have one of those not so new-fangled-cordless-phones and I managed to straighten up my house, go to the bathroom a few times, get some water, tend to plants, and pretend I was getting a lobotomy, all while on hold. . .listening to “musak”.
I’m not answering any customer satisfaction surveys from Verizon because I’m done! I’m not going to their store to “speak with a representative who can change your pin” on a phone we haven’t had for over six months because I’m done! I’m not listening to anymore crap about my “patience” while I wait interminably or about how I’m a “valued” customer. Done! Done! Done!
I’m caving. I’m paying the paltry amount I’ve been haggling about for six months because I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t. The fifth time someone suggested I “GO IN TO A STORE” to get it resolved was too much. Been there, done that, got the bone spurs to prove it. ”Oh, you mean I could be having all this fun in a line. . .in a store with no chairs. . .and people who aren’t old enough to vote yet. . .and wouldn’t even if they were?” Gee and I was having so much fun on the phone with YOU, asshole! Besides, then my house wouldn’t be straightened up.
It doesn’t even matter that they are winning because I no longer give a shit. I just want it done! And Himself, who talked me off of a wall of hysterics, including screaming, tears and more snot than a toddler produces in flu season, agrees. “Pay the money. It’s not worth it.” Since my rantrum (new word) my headache is also gone and that’s as much bright side as I can muster.
But he’s right. It’s not worth it. I’m also not changing companies either because I have heard too many horror stories from people using other places, too. There is an epidemic of bad service, customer dissatisfaction, increasing costs and less results. No one gives a shit. Especially me.
Verizon scores. Mary loses. But in the heat of the battle I win the gold for most creative use of colorful language. Not necessarily proud of that. . .but not ashamed, either, because my head did not explode all over the rug. I wouldn’t allow it because then I’d have to clean that mess up, too! Done! Done! Done!