Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Today I am grateful it’s Tuesday, not Monday. The human grand-things that are supposed to taking care of me were out of control yesterday. Such a commotion!
The grand-guy thingy spent hours reading on his electronic contraption and totally ignored me all day long. He had a cord stretched across the room that was plugged into a hot pad thing but do you think he’d let me sit on it? Nope. Not even once. Just plopped hizownass on it and didn’t even share. Whenever he moved to go use his litter dish he moaned and griped about his sore back. Who cares? Brush the cat!
First thing in the morning, while the grand-female thingy was having her precious tea, I thought I’d explore a new napping spot. They had piled a bunch of cushions on a chair in their sunroom and I like all of those windows, so I figured I’d rest there awhile. I lowered my haunches for a good jump, like any acrobat would and leaped to the top of those cushions. Some idiot hadn’t put them up there correctly and some other idiot had put a book on them so when the cushions slipped, the book fell towards me and scared the fur off my back! As everything is tumbling to the floor, including me, the woman says, “Stupid cat!” To ME! Really? I just did the all-time-best-triple-axel-two-and-a-half-gaynor Olympic dismount and nailed the landing and you’re calling me a stupid cat? Check your facts!
Then she was gone and I was left with the moaner and when she did come home she was cussing and complaining about some checkbook thing and on the phone yelling about all technology going haywire at the same time because she couldn’t get on-line and her cell phone went “dark” and how all people at Verizon are idiots. All idiots including her, I figure. The tension around here was very disturbing. I think someone should press charges for unnecessary noise abuse on the sensitive ears of the cat. Go. Now. Let me know what you find out.
I just left them both alone last night. Totally ignored them. It’s what they deserved for upsetting my naps. Then this morning, at 6:30, when I go in to remind them that I need food in my dish by walking all over them in that big bed that they don’t share, I get shoved down. It’s insulting. What is an organic alarm clock supposed to do? Starve?
I sure hope that isn’t an indication that Tuesday will be questionable, too. Stay by the phone. I might need you to call the Cat Hotel to come pick me up.