Friday, July 21, 2017
Today I am grateful the dog is gone. Bet you think a human wrote that, right? Fugetaboutit. This is the grand-cat, Ruby. If you are sitting back with your coffee thinking you’re going to hear from me as often as you heard from that slobbering yellow beast, you better put something stronger than cream in that coffee.
First my family decides to get a baby, then they tell me they can’t take me to the shore house like they have for years and years because of that baby. They abandon me at the grand parent’s house. Oh, I’ve been here before and it wasn’t so bad. They have a lot of stuff to knock over and some great high spots for me to climb on.
So when I’m shoved in that black box and put in the evil car, I figure it won’t be so bad. When we get there someone sets me on the floor in the box and this enormous, drooling, loud, yellow beast pokes his big drippy nose on my box. Really? Get some manners, pal! We haven’t even been introduced! There was a discussion about whether to let me out or keep me in there and then the zipper was opened.
I creep out because. . .well. . . I’m a cat, therefore naturally cautious. Cats come by our nine-lives honestly because we are smart and careful about who we associate with. That yellow thing takes one look at me and falls in love immediately. He wants me. I do not want him! I slither under a tray table and hide behind the couch where he is too stupid to look and too big to squeeze in.
He tries anyway, the dumbbell, knocking over a table with popcorn and soda and some left over cheese and all Billy-hell breaks loose. Baby is crying, dog is barking, grandparents are scrambling for rags and vacuums. I’m minding my own business behind the couch. I do not welcome this chaos and I refuse to be part of it.
This is not what I expected. I walked through the room once so they know I’m here, but that’s all they can expect to see of me for a while. When the grands were gone I peed in that dish. Overnight I ate some of the food. But if they expect a sighting again, they better vacuum all remains of that dog thing. And I mean fast!
I am only here on MY terms so don’t expect a picture because I have no intention of posing even if I do come out. Imagine the most beautiful gray cat ever and that’s me. And if you think I’m going to waste valuable nap-time sharing with you, then get off the damn drugs. I’m a cat. Piss off!