Lame Blogs. . .by Leonard

a lenny standing looking out window

Dear Family,

These people hate me.  All they do is leave me alone.  Or that’s what it seems like.  This morning that old lady threw my food in my dish with only a few ear scratches and then she was out the door to go to a pool.  Doesn’t she know I’d like to swim in a pool, too.  Geeze.

 

Then the old man left leaving me with their two visitors and no one talked to me at all.  I’m telling you, you would not be happy about this.  The good news is that when that old man got home he brought dog cookies. FINALLY!  I’m happy to say he was barely in the door when he was handing out some of those treats, so that’s something.

 

Still, before I knew it they ALL left.  Just left, after hanging some clean laundry over the dining room chairs.  What’s that about?  They went to some stupid movie, whatever that is?  And all I could do was wander around their house from front to back, looking out the windows and watching the squirrels and birds, but I couldn’t get near them to chase.  Isn’t that insane?  What’s the point of squirrels if you can’t chase them?

 

When that old woman comes home she asks me if I guarded the house.  “Of course, I guarded the house.  You people have no clue how many marauders tried to get in here when you were gone!  And what’s up with the squirrels?”  Then she starts grilling me about her pair of gray slacks that were laying on MY couch.  Like, what am I supposed to do if your gone?  At the very least I should be able to deposit some hair on your clean clothes.

 

Then when the old woman was on Facetime with some baby in her family, she kept trying to get me to look into this phone thingy.  I don’t care about phones when there is a person to lick, so I licked her big time all over her neck and that baby just looked at us.  I guess I’m meeting the kid on Friday so that should be a good one.

 

Both of those old ones registered surprise when I jumped up on their bed, like I was too weak to get up there or something.  And I’m telling you that bed is big enough for the three of us, but no, they don’t let ME sleep there.  Good thing I have my couch!

 

I know you think this is a good gig, but you might want to rethink it for next time.  I’m exhausted from standing guard. . .and still no chickens.

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