EZ Pass sign

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Today I am grateful for EZ-Pass.  We were able to use EZ-Pass all the way from Pennsylvania to Wisconsin and it was awesome.  Of course, some of the tolls had gates and Himself had to continue to remind me, “Gate.”  Gab, gab, gab.  “Gate!”  Chat, chat, chat.  “GATE!!!!!”  Oh, you mean right there?  Lots of fun.


Unfortunately the blasted EZ-Pass did NOT work on the way home two weeks later.  Why?  I had no clue.  We even got off the turnpike in “Why-Would-Anyone-Live-Here” Indiana so that I could enlist the aid of technology at Dunkin Donuts.  (That’s our story.) The last time this happened the credit card for auto-renewal had expired and it was a quick fix.  Not this time.


I had plenty of money in the account.  The card was good.  But the transponder was a piece-o-crap.  I waited to even write about this to see if there would be bills and tickets and police trying to arrest me for unacknowledged stubs or zooming through an overhead lane when the sucker wasn’t working, but so far so good.


Indiana decided that it would be a good idea to close ALL of the rest areas because they are rebuilding them. . .yes closed!  Not even a porta-potty with a lemonade stand on the side of the road. . .and we had to get off a lot for the 81 year old bladder and the 66 year old bad attitude.  Each time we did, the gate wouldn’t go up.  Swell.


That little item THRILLED the people in line behind me who had to wait while I pushed the call button, waited while listening to the worst static musak because my call was important to them, and then got some 9 year old who needed me to “read all of the numbers on your transponder.”  Did you ever try to pry one of those things off while the Indianapolis speedway is beeping up your ass?  After yanking down the “car” glasses and reading the 900 digit and half-the-alphabet number, the kid says, “You’re good to go.” And ups the gate.  I tell him I don’t want fries with that and we’re on our way.  For another 800 miles of fun.


So here’s the deal.  This is your public service message from one who has seen the other side and lived to tell about it.  The batteries die in these things at around the 10 year point.  Who knew?  The gal I spoke with at EZ-Pass was great, but I’m wondering why they don’t just auto-send a note when your transponder is getting up there.  You know, like Social Security.  “Your gizmo is about to croak and if you don’t want to piss off everyone in 4 states, you better send for a new one.”


She sent us two new transponders with instructions on how to mount them, but I really wasn’t in the mood so I just hung them in the cars.  You have to send the old one back in the appropriate envelop, with the bazillion numbers matching and you don’t even have to pay for the new one.


So go do this.  Now.  Because I don’t want to be the one behind you in the EZ-Pass lane and see your arm come out to speak with the tech support tween.  You’re welcome.

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