Friday, January 27, 2017
Today I am grateful for the HGTV show, House Hunters International. I record them and when I have had enough with the news, I watch and transport myself to exotic locations.
I figure every now and then I have to holler at the TV for non-political reasons. I am a bipartisan lunatic. So I yell at some of the couples on the show. I mean, if you are leaving the suburbs of Chicago to live in a yurt, wherever they have yurts, then probably your lifestyle is going to change. Yet SHE says, “I really wanted granite countertops!” And he says, “Where is my man cave?” My answers are. . .your granite counters are still in the mountain. Dig them out, bitch! And your man cave is, well, your YURT!
Today I watched a second marriage, five kids between them couple looking for a place in Costa Bellena, Costa Rica. He wanted the top of the mountain and rustic. She wanted modern, clean lines and to live through the drive up the mountain. . .and believe me, it was dicey. If it rained she’d get to the bottom of that hill fast, with enough jungle debris dangling from her to make perpetual fruit cocktail.
“Oh, I love it,” he said, walking into the crayon box of color that seriously had only screens so AC was out. (Deal breaker for me!) “It’s JUST what I was picturing. Look at all of the color!” Her face was more colorful than the purple and pumpkin walls. “Oh, I don’t like this at all,” she whined.
They looked at another house that had the stackable washer and dryer in a large kitchen closet. “I don’t think I like the idea of my dirty cloths so near where my food is,” he said, because the place was modern. So what? Are you going to drag the nicotine section of your underwear across the papayas on their way to the wash? Gimme a break.
Another show I watched today was set in Brno, Czech Republic. See, isn’t it fun visiting these places? The woman was five months pregnant and had two sons under four years old. She wanted something move-in-ready. No kidding. She has enough on her plate. HE wanted a “project”. It occurs to me that the only people who want household “projects” are those who have never lived through/with one! Idiot. Yet she lost! They picked a house that had ONE bedroom. Yes ONE! With two and a half kids.
And the attic, which could be made into a few rooms, was rustic. Hahahahaha. . .in other words, not inhabitable by anything but the already residing pigeons. What a trouper she is. Or moron. Oh well, with her that pregnant he probably figured he wasn’t getting much sex anyway. . .and with everyone in the same bedroom. . .
Love the show and the idiot people who are on it. Love it when the budget for a two bedroom in Paris is 75,000 USD and they have to do six takes because the realtor can’t stop laughing each time she hears the amount. Or when their budget for their little love nest in the Bahamas is 1,000,000 USD and the agent just can’t find anything in that price range so he shows them one that’s a little bit over @1,500,000 USD. Poor babies have to “tweak” a few things to make that five hundred grand happen.
I could tweak, twerk, tweet and twitter for the rest of my natural life and not come close to even allowing myself to dream of such a problem. But I still love the show. Even though I live in a townhouse-fixer-upper-hovel (by their standards) and once actually pre-treated dirty laundry on my kitchen counter top! And it isn’t even granite! Horrors!