Sunday, November 20, 2016
Today I am grateful for my new washer. Except I have a problem with it. A big problem. And I’m not sure there is a solution.
It is smarter than me. Way smarter. I have been doing laundry for over fifty years. When I watch people at the laundromat cram huge bags of clothing of different weights, colors and delicacy into one load I shudder. I know how to sort the darks, colors, whites, towels and sheets. Easy peasy.
I watch like a hawk whenever anyone on TV or in the movies is folding clothes. Gimme a break! Did you never fold a towel before? Did you ever use a towel? See a towel? The way they ball it up it will never fit in the cabinet. I like folding clothes and the challenge of getting things to fit where they belong.
So when I got the new washer I was a little excited. It is energy efficient, even if I’m not. Did I read the instruction manual? Yeah right. I tried to get the water running into it before I had the load in. It wouldn’t play. Himself (who had read the damned manual) said, “You have to put the soap in, then the clothes, then shut it and it locks.”
“Locks?” I asked. “Why does my washer have to lock? Is some marauder lurking outside waiting for an opportunity to steal our dirty underwear?”
“It senses and analyzes how big and heavy the load is before it fills it with water,” he said. “Then it doesn’t fill over the top of the clothes but tosses them around to clean them. You should read the manual.”
“It’s a washing machine. I’ve been using washing machines my whole life. I don’t need it to sense or drive or vacuum. Just wash clothes!” I was incredulous and he was off with a shrug, leaving me to my own devices and stubbornness.
I did as Mr. Smug-I-Read-The-Manual-College-Man instructed. I put the soap in, then the towels, closed the lid, pushed the start button and the blasted thing started playing the Star Spangled Banner. Not really. But it did beep and groan and whir and enough lights blinked for it to land on runway-number-niner. . .but still no water. I’m no expert, but isn’t water basic? I waited. Nothing.
So I did what anyone would do. I stopped watching it and left the room. You know, a watched pot and all that. A half an hour later Himself showed back up and asked, “Did you make peace with the new washer?”
“No! I’m pissed off because the washer is smarter than me. Appliances should not be smarter than their owners unless they can pay for themselves!” I went on to tell him that the load was in there but no water was going in because it was still “sensing” a half an hour later. “The blasted thing needs therapy if it’s that sensitive!” I was frustrated.
He went to check it out, flipped the water valve on the wall to “on” and poof, the thing started filling right away. Damn! Not only is the washer smarter, the whole house is. . .and worst of all, so is Himself. But he can’t fold clothes at all and I can, so there! It will be a while before I live that one down. I wish there was a manual for husbands. THAT one I’d read!