Saturday, November 12, 2016
Today I am grateful for dozens of tiny rainbows. When I got up this morning and walked into the kitchen, the sun was blazing through the front windows and I noticed something moving on the wall.
Flickering and fluttering around my kitchen, like Tinkerbell, were dozens of tiny rainbows. I stood there, mouth hanging open, watching my floor, cabinets, ceiling, glow with them. I couldn’t move. I wish I hadn’t been able to think, either.
We’ve been blessed with prism rainbows from the crystal we have hanging on the kitchen light before, but never like this. This was as though the lid came off and a bunch of fireflies were ready for their parade. Gorgeous. Spectacular.
As much as my tiny rainbows uplifted me, they also made me sad. I have a lot of gay friends, some married, some in relationships, some no longer even looking. They just know who they are, in or out of the proverbial closet. Are they as afraid as I am that their “movement” is being set back 50 years? Do those married fear they will once again become illegal? Do they fear insulting slurs will once again be considered okay? Probably. And why shouldn’t they? It’s already starting to happen.
The very first time in my life that I ever saw a rainbow prism was in the old Haley Mills movie, Pollyanna. Her “glad” attitude was the core of her existence. I’ve tried to emulate Polly. . .almost to a fault sometimes. . . throughout my life. I’m not sure I can right now. I am worried.
Tolerance and acceptance has come so far in our society, and yet now I’m trying to prepare myself for backsliding in women’s rights and race relations. In a few short days we have witnessed an increase in sexism, bigotry, misogyny and gay bashing.
There is much fear, confusion and uncertainty among adults and worse, among children. I hate to think of children being afraid, because I was afraid a lot when I was young. I shudder to think that the work we’ve done to try and STOP bullying is being pushed to the wayside. It has been given a new, different, meaner, louder voice. We need to do all we can to quiet it. We can’t let it run rampant in our schools. . .our nation.
I stand in the middle of dozens of prism reflections and the faces of my gay friends appear. I want my heart to feel happy and light. I’m just not there. Empathy consumes me and I imagine that if I am feeling the way I am, how must others be feeling? Those too afraid to share. The silent victims.
So many tiny rainbows. . . now living in fear.