Meltdowns

a Cartoon-Fertile-Woman-Watering-The-Flowers-On-Her-Head

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Today I am grateful for meltdowns.  Man, I feel great today!  I think yesterday’s total and complete meltdown was good for me.  I recommend it.

 

Here’s the thing I’ve learned.  I feel moved to tears a lot.  Being sensitive and empathetic are my favorite character traits, but they come with a price.  I see something on TV or read about a special kindness and I’m weepy.  But then I turn the tears off and go on about my day.  Why?  I wondered why?  So, of course, I ruminated about this topic last night and again this morning.

 

I stop, turn it off, because there is so much that is upsetting these days, I’m afraid if I don’t turn the faucet off I might not be able to.  Maybe I would bawl forever and I don’t have time for that.  But I’ve had enough therapy to know what crap that theory is, yet there I was, “stopping & blocking” natural feelings all over the place.  Why?  For who?  Me?  Nope.  After all, I was the one who needed the meltdown.  For Himself?  Not hardly.  He’s already seen me at my all-time, bottom-of-the-barrel worst.  He’s learned to not try to “fix” me in order to stop the waterworks and is just there until it stops.

 

All of those pent-up emotions, all of those tears unshed, all of those months and months of holding it together, finally had to be released.   Apparently cake, chocolate and cookies are not actual cures.  Stupid! I know better. . .intellectually.  Until, like a shaken champagne bottle, I blew. . .spilling crazy-healthy-purging-necessary, foamy tears all over the rug.

 

And then it stopped.  Oh, not right away.  There were a few latent cloud bursts, some spillage, through the night and even this morning.  But I let them happen.  I’m cleansed. . .and smarter now.  I’m going to try very hard not to pack those feelings in like wet sand again.

 

I am going to try and let myself wash the heavy thickness of uncertainty away more often.  I am going to continue to trust that turning the faucet on full-force does not mean I won’t be able to turn it off again.  And ironically I have no desire for cake, chocolate or cookies.  Hm. . .don’t ask me tomorrow, though.

 

If you were concerned about me, I’m sorry. . .and thank you.  But you can stop, now.  I’m fine.  No. . .better than fine.  The incident left me feeling so thoroughly cleansed it’s as though I was power washed.  I highly recommend an occasional meltdown.  Go!!

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One Response to Meltdowns

  1. Marie A. Bishop says:

    I think that, at least, one or two people get stuck in that mode every once in a while….. I’m not saying who – but – it happens!!!! That “ship” never sails!!!!!

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