Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Today I am grateful for meltdowns. Man, I feel great today! I think yesterday’s total and complete meltdown was good for me. I recommend it.
Here’s the thing I’ve learned. I feel moved to tears a lot. Being sensitive and empathetic are my favorite character traits, but they come with a price. I see something on TV or read about a special kindness and I’m weepy. But then I turn the tears off and go on about my day. Why? I wondered why? So, of course, I ruminated about this topic last night and again this morning.
I stop, turn it off, because there is so much that is upsetting these days, I’m afraid if I don’t turn the faucet off I might not be able to. Maybe I would bawl forever and I don’t have time for that. But I’ve had enough therapy to know what crap that theory is, yet there I was, “stopping & blocking” natural feelings all over the place. Why? For who? Me? Nope. After all, I was the one who needed the meltdown. For Himself? Not hardly. He’s already seen me at my all-time, bottom-of-the-barrel worst. He’s learned to not try to “fix” me in order to stop the waterworks and is just there until it stops.
All of those pent-up emotions, all of those tears unshed, all of those months and months of holding it together, finally had to be released. Apparently cake, chocolate and cookies are not actual cures. Stupid! I know better. . .intellectually. Until, like a shaken champagne bottle, I blew. . .spilling crazy-healthy-purging-necessary, foamy tears all over the rug.
And then it stopped. Oh, not right away. There were a few latent cloud bursts, some spillage, through the night and even this morning. But I let them happen. I’m cleansed. . .and smarter now. I’m going to try very hard not to pack those feelings in like wet sand again.
I am going to try and let myself wash the heavy thickness of uncertainty away more often. I am going to continue to trust that turning the faucet on full-force does not mean I won’t be able to turn it off again. And ironically I have no desire for cake, chocolate or cookies. Hm. . .don’t ask me tomorrow, though.
If you were concerned about me, I’m sorry. . .and thank you. But you can stop, now. I’m fine. No. . .better than fine. The incident left me feeling so thoroughly cleansed it’s as though I was power washed. I highly recommend an occasional meltdown. Go!!