Monday, January 18, 2016
Today I am grateful for phonetic spelling. Why can’t everything be spelled phonetically? What scholar decided otherwise? Why are there some words that I will never, ever be able to spell. Words that spell checker scoffs at, throws them back in my face for another try. . .then laughs at me while I head to thesaurus for an alternate word. But I want MY word. I just can’t spell it.
I woke up this morning thinking about words. Here’s what I came up with. . .and YES I had to look them up because I can’t spell them otherwise. They just don’t stick. Hors d’oeuvres. Albuquerque. Saguaro. You do not want to be in my brain. Warned you.
Granted, it’s unlikely that I will spend a lot of time using those words, but when I do it will not be in writing because I don’t have time to keep looking them up. I will use them during a talk because you can’t hear that I can’t spell them. Here’s what I would say if I was smarter.
“Today I looked through my pictures from when we moved my mom out of Arizona, the land of saguaro cacti, drove through Albuquerque, New Mexico. We had great hors d’oeuvres at a wonderful old hotel.” But I can’t spell, so I have to change it up.
“Today I looked through my pictures from when we moved my mom out of Arizona, the land of those big-ass cactus that look like someone said, “stick ‘em up” to them. Then we drove through that high-altitude-city with the funny name called Albertsquirky, though I don’t know what Albert has to be quirky about or even who in the hell Albert is. Because it was late and we hadn’t eaten, it was nice that the hotel had a little spread of schneckies; those cream cheese ham roll-up thingies; salty crap and other various horses ovaries.” See. It’s just not the same.
Oh well. Maybe when I’m off the damned steroids and find a brain cell or two returning, I will once again spell brilliantly. Until then. . .it’s gonna be funetically!