Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Today I am grateful for disappointment. Without disappointment how could I possible understand satisfaction and joy?
We have had to cancel our trip to see our niece get married in Wisconsin, as per doctors strong “suggestion”. I am still in the hospital for at least today and don’t know for sure about tomorrow. Even when I get out activity is curtailed for a week. Grrrrr. I’m being a lamb about this (yeah right, sort of. . .as lambish as I am capable of) because I don’t want to rush anything, but the anguish I feel over missing this huge family event is palpable.
I feel as though I am letting everyone down. My mom, while adamant that I not come, says, “I’m so disappointed I won’t see you. You know I’m getting old and you never know. . .” Yeah, I know. Good ol’ mom can twist it in even when she doesn’t think she is. Gotta love it. Truth is, we none of us know when our time will be so I can handle her statement without guilt.
My sister is still praying for a miracle, but although I’m feeling stronger, it ain’t happening. She and I had so many plans to decorate and play and get pedicures and just have fun and I’m bummed about missing all of it. I even got pretty lavender polish for my toes! Damn! But they are in the process right now and I just spoke with the bride and the excitement in her voice makes me so happy, even though we are all bummed.
Things happen for a reason, although I always question when they do. Yesterday, lying on my rubber bed, with my rubber pillows, pushing the legs and head up and down enough to be on a carnival ride, I got to feeling very sorry for myself.
Then I saw a huge crash on TV caused by icy conditions and horrible weather on a highway in Indiana, right about where we would have been travelling on our way to Wisconsin. Maybe we were saved. . .by my nonsense.
As incredibly sad as I am, I dried my tears. . .again. . . and then again. . .and again. . .
The good news is that the food has ratchetted up a lot from the Emergency Room fare. Oh relax. This was the tiniest cheesesteak ever and portion controlled with carb counts listed. And I ate every crumb. Delicious! Who knew that the actual hospital food would NOT be a disappointment? Go figure.