Windex

Windex
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Today I am grateful for Windex. And I want whoever stole ours to bring it back. We disassembled the patio and carted the furniture and jim-cracky to the basement the other day. Then John climbed up to do the rain gutters and we blasted the green crap off of the patio.

As long as the tall ladder was out and we had a bucket of window/squeegee water, we decided to do the high window in the sunroom and then I would wash the outside of the rest of the back windows. There aren’t that many, so it made sense. John was going to finish the inside of the high window so he could put the big ladder away.

“Where is the Windex?” he asked.
“Where it always is,” I say.
“Which is where exactly?” Does this sound like marriage? I swear sometimes I feel this man needs compass coordinates!
“There is one under the sink in our bathroom, one in the upstairs bathroom, one under the sink in the kitchen, one in the bucket in the laundry room and a 400 gallon refill I bought at Costco in the garage.” I was smug in my certainty. I could have told him how many ounces were left in each bottle if he had pressed the issue.

He went searching. . .and shouting. . . “There’s none in our bathroom!” He was not at all happy in his quest. “None under the kitchen sink!” I was irritated at his play-by-play and inability to look for something. “If there is one in the laundry room it’s hiding because I can’t find it.”

Now I’m pissed. “Did you look in all of the buckets on the shelf?” He assured me he had. “ALL of them? Not just the one where it should be? And maybe it’s hanging on the rack.”

Now he was getting pissed. “No! There is none! I’m going to look upstairs!” Nope. Nor in the garage. None. I don’t always have to be right. . .but I’m not really happy being wrong, either. I was frantically back-peddling after being so certain.

“We was robbed, I tell ya! Robbed!” Someone stole them, I swear. . .I think. . .maybe. . .I’m not sure. . .they must have. . .because I’d know it if we were all out? Wouldn’t I? When was the last time I did windows? Or mirrors? What Christmas was that? What year is this? No wonder that person looking back at me looks so wrinkly. Hey, I didn’t retire to become a clean freak.

So to whom do I report the possible theft of four Windex spray bottles and a refill jug as big as a Smart Car? I want to file a missing bottle(s) report! Quick!

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