Thursday, September 10, 2015
Today I am grateful for 33 years. With the same man. And we didn’t kill each other. . .even though sometimes we came pretty close. But no one wanted to be left alone to raise the kids so we put murderous thoughts aside and figured it out.
I remember when I was a kid and my mom would say, “What has happened to the time?” Now I get it. I get it every single day. How is it possible that I have even known John since I was 29, not to mention been married to him this long? And right now I’m not sorry. If you had asked me at various points in time in the last 33 years, I might have had a different comment. Smiley face. . .just kidding. . .sort of. . .
I think any honest human being would admit to having moments where they have questioned why they married someone. Or maybe not, but I have. On rare occasions where he seemed like the most unreasonable human being to walk the planet, I questioned. I’m sure he has, too, but he’s much nicer than me and won’t publicly admit it. Ask him privately. . .after a couple of Irish Mist’s. He’ll tell you anything you want to know.
When I retired I expected that we’d drive each other nuts. But we haven’t. We’ve gotten closer. He still rolls his eyes when I say, “Pause that, please!” so that he will listen to me without the noise of the TV.
Why is it that when men lose their hearing the first sound they can’t hear is “wife”? Half the time he can’t hear me even with hearing aids. . .or is that his story? I have foiled him and use the pager mode on the phone when I need to ask him something important. . .and he’s ignoring me. I can hear his impatient groan when he gets out of the chair in the bedroom, but when he pops his head out, he’s usually not impatient or irritated at all. Awful woman, right? Oh come on! You think it’s awful but now you’re running off to look at your phones to see if you have one, too!
When he goes to the store for his liverwurst (yes, the picky eater loves it) and crocheted, pappy white bread, he takes his phone along in case I think of something I need. Why? He doesn’t hear it ring, vibrate, or tap dance in his pocket. Or he leaves it in the car. Or if he does pick up the conversation is a plethora of “What’s?” and “Can you hear me’s?” and “Never mind! I’ll do without’s!” If he puts me on speaker he can hear better. A frustrated Mary shouting on a speaker in a grocery store is a scene you don’t need to witness. A couple of times a stranger has said to him, “She needs you to get yogurt. Y-O-G-U-R-T!” Gotta love it.
He tells the same old stories a billion times which is why people he’s just met think he’s witty and charming. He is! He goes crazy if I invade his space in the kitchen or bathroom when he’s in there, so sometimes I do it just to rattle him. Gotta shake things up a little. He does the same thing to me by feigning attempts at making the bed until I shag him out of the way. Marriage.
We have been driving each other crazy for 33 years. Who knew crazy could work?