Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Today I am grateful to be satisfied. Does that sound like I’m “settling”? It shouldn’t. Am I satisfied with government? No. Am I satisfied with the world’s poverty? No. Am I satisfied that children and animals are safe? No. Am I satisfied that people get the medical/prescription care they need? No. Am I satisfied with my country’s progress on racism? No. Am I satisfied there is no more persecution for religious or sexual preferences? No. Am I satisfied there will be no more bullies. . .in school. . .in the workplace. . .or in politics? No. If all of us were satisfied with all of those things, then there would be no place for improvement or change. I’m all about improvement and “change” isn’t a four letter word.
Okay. So what in billy-blue-hell AM I satisfied with?
I am satisfied with every single aspect of me. Whoa! Vain much? Not at all. I promise. But I’m all done beating myself up because I’m not thin enough, or smart enough, or motivated enough, or happy enough, or rich enough, or funny enough. Well maybe not that last one because I really crack me up. And if I cracked me up any more, I wouldn’t get a thing done! Somebodies got to be a good audience and it’s me.
Being satisfied with myself did not come easy. Sometimes, especially when my shoulder pinches or my back aches, or the button on my jeans balks, it’s hard to remember that I’m satisfied. But I am. And I have learned the hard way that it takes a whole lot more energy to be constantly critical. . .than mostly satisfied. Negative energy saps me dry. Even if it’s not mine.
You’ve spent time with Negative Nellies, so I know you know what I mean. You are with them and there is always something not right. The fries are okay, but the burger is dry; that ladies dress fits but it’s a crappy color; that car is running okay, but it’s not a Mercedes; the waiter this, the food that, the service is whatever, the air is too strong, the room is too hot, the bra strap is loose, the belt is tight. . .blah, blah, blah! Exhausting! I’ll take satisfied any day.
I can read your minds. Holy cow! She’s given up! Doesn’t care a whit how she looks, or if she has bad hair and foul armpits! She is probably sitting at the bottom of a bathtub filled with pasta and meatballs, chomping down on loaf after loaf of buttery garlic bread. Sounds good. . .but no.
I’m not giving up on self-improvement, better health, or a more financially comfortable lifestyle. I haven’t put all dreams on hold. I could never do that! I have not stopped “wanting” because if you stop wanting you might as well be dead. But does it serve me well to always be looking over the fence for what might be? I don’t think so. Do I have to spend each day painfully realizing that I’m now old and might not do everything in this world that I’ve wanted to do? I can’t. I refuse. I’m not done, yet!
What I have done is stopped “wanting” to the point where I feel like a failure because I’m not “getting.” I have stopped telling myself that if I gain a pound, I’m an awful person; or if this or that doesn’t work out the way I wanted it to, I’m a failure; or if the car needs tires and brakes, I’m a horrible money manager; or if I don’t publish a book, all is lost.
All is not lost. All is not won. ALL doesn’t matter. NOW matters. And now, right this minute. . .I am satisfied. It feels great! What about you? Are you satisfied?