Sunday, August 16, 2015
Today I am grateful for getting rich. I know I’m going to get rich because I shared one of those “if-you-share-this-you-will-gain-enormous-wealth” posts on Facebook. Twice. Still waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
If you remember the old days of chain letters and publishers clearing house contests, then you might have a clue how ridiculous all of the “you-must-share-to-get” crap is on Facebook. I MUST share? Really? I MUST! And what happens if I don’t? And don’t tell me what I MUST do. You are not the boss of me. Do you really think I believe that my eyelashes will fall out and my hips will disappear based on what I share or do not share on Facebook? Or that I’ll get rich? Still waiting!
Okay, disclaimer here. . .I’m not talking about specific posts whereby people are desperate because a sudden illness has gob-smacked them so they’ve opened a Pay-Pal account for some necessary help. Not those. I have no money and wish I could donate, so because I can’t help in any way BUT sharing, I often do. My heart hasn’t turned to stone. . . like that could ever happen.
Facebook doesn’t just want me to share so that I get money, it wants me to share so a country can thrive, a politician can get elected, a politician can get booted out, a bald person can get hair, someone’s facial hair will go away, teeth will get white, teeth will get bought, teeth won’t have cavities, people will decide they don’t need teeth, or so that I, that’s me, myself, will have some billionaire throw me twenty grand! You get the picture. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Greed, greed, greed. I can’t handle it. It’s too much. I’m not sharing anymore. I swear! Giving it up, cold-turkey, just like those stupid quizzes telling me I look like Zsa-Zsa the dog, with a bejeweled choker. (We all know how long THAT lasted.)
Someone out there has found out that I’m a sucker for sad stories, great animal videos and that I could use some extra bucks. How? Who told? Oh wait, it was me, I told them every day in my blog. Damn! I’m a regular Columbo figuring that one out.
Mr. Facebook, who do you think you are, the All-Powerful OZ? Hah! I don’t think so! I think some silly little dog, whose video I shared last week, is going to pull your curtain back and we will find out exactly what a fraud you are.
And for those of you sharing this hoping to get money. . .from me or anyone else. . .fugetaboutit. Pigs will fly before we get rich from Facebook. . .and to miss-quote Eleanor of Aquitaine from the movie “The Lion in Winter”, we won’t see “pork in the treetops” tonight.