Today I am grateful for chubby fitness. So I get up early this morning and pad around the house puttering at a few little things, tea, newspaper, yogurt. . .nothing to break a sweat. Gimme a break. It’s morning!
Then I turn on the TV and learn that some sadist has now invented a workout shirt, yes a SHIRT that will “inform” me if I’m breathing enough, eating too much, burning off too few calories, not working hard enough, blah, blah, blah. I thought all of these years my bra, jeans, mirror and conscience took care of that. I guess I was wrong. Who knew? Just what we chubby fitness folks need is something else to shame us! At great cost.
Go ahead and buy one if you want to, but I won’t. I don’t like my clothes dissing me. I can self-flagellate very well by myself, thank you. My clothes just need to shut up! I didn’t buy Wii fitness either. It seemed like a good idea at first and then someone told me that when you step on the pad it criticizes you if you’ve gained an ounce. I didn’t want to give the thing laryngitis screaming at me. Hey, I did it a favor. . .and me.
No, I won’t buy something that thinks its job is to remind me to breathe! I learned to breathe a long, long time ago. Every day when I get up I’m still breathing. I might sound like a person without a goal, but breathing every day is good enough for me! Sometimes if I feel stressed or sad, I’ll even deep breathe seven times in, hold to a seven count, breathe out counting seven. So I can breathe and count to seven. Countries were formed and lost on less!
Keep your lousy, yammering shirt. Go invent a cure for cancer, unwanted facial hair and idiot drivers! Stop wasting my time! I am grateful that I am a member of the chubby fitness group and won’t feel one bit compelled to buy one. I might have extra cellulite, but I also have a brain! Anyway, will this stupid shirt come in a XXXXXXXXLLLLL!? No? Yeah, that’s what I thought! Cowards! Breathe. . .breathe. . .breathe. . .